Making the world even Blonder and even Better
Welcome to The Suburbs
If you’re someone looking for the ‘all encompassing guide to your 20’s’ you have most definitely come to the wrong place. To tell you truth, I haven’t the slightest clue what the absolute fuck I’m doing either.
But, if you’re someone looking for a good laugh, some cringy stories, and some half good advice on which wrong turn to take next, sit your ass down, pour yourself another glass of Pino, and get ready to dive into the shit show I call my life.
xo,
Carlie Bradshaw
25 Thoughts When Turning 25
It’s been a minute. Well- a few minutes lol so hello. In observance of turning 25 tomorrow, I felt it was only appropriate to make my annual birthday post so I can go back and read this in 365 days and pick out all my grammar mistakes and cringe at all the shit I thought…
HANDLE BAR DETROIT
What is UP suburbia. I hope you’ve been loving the shift in my Instagram content as of lately. I’ve been really focusing on being raw and real in what I showcase about my life on the internet and I’m really praying that it shows! It’s been a minute since I’ve made a blog post but…
My Skin-spirational Journey
If there’s one thing I have going for me right now it’s that I’ve had a skin transformation that even I don’t believe sometimes. Although I’ll never be ashamed of any experience I’ve walked through in life and have always stayed true to sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly on this platform, it…
How To Not Get Broken Up With On February 14th: A Gift Guide For Guys Who Don’t Know WTF To Buy Their GF This Valentine’s Day
Dear reader, Whether you are the girlfriend- scoping out whether or not you’re going to send the link to this post to your boyfriend as a less than subtle hint, or you’re the boyfriend yourself- this is a safe space lmao. We get it, boys are utterly clueless when it comes to gift-giving and that…
To All The Boys I’ve Made Out with Before: Valentine’s Day Gift Guide 2021
The first month of the year has come and gone and another Valentine’s day is on the horizon. Whether your celebrating the holiday of luv boo’d at home, or finding an outdoor covid-safe loco to share a meal with your hunny- (hand sany on deck ofc); this holiday is NOT cancelled. I’ve scrounged the internet…
Everything Is Not What It Seems
Instagram /ˈinstəˌɡram/ verb post (a photograph or video of something) on the social media application Instagram. I won’t tell you how many self-proclaimed models, influencers, and fitness gurus I follow on Instagram- if I did it would be embarrassing, and I also don’t feel like counting. I know where you think this post is going…
We Are The Lucky Ones
Holy shit is that you?! We haven’t talked since LAST YEAR. If you haven’t closed out this web page after that horrendous dad joke, then fucking WELCOME. Welcome to chapter 1. Welcome to the fresh start, the do over, your second (or third or fourth or fifth) shot at your resolutions from last year. Welcome…
Hot Girl Fall 2020: My Fall “Lookbook”
What’s up suburbia and welcome to Fall 2020. Along with most of you, I really didn’t think we would even be able to LEAVE our houses for the remainder of the year, but here we are, masked up, and braving the outside world just to feel something. Disclaimer: This post does not condone or promote…
May Your Brow Game Be Strong & Your Monday Be Short: My Microblading Review
Good morning Suburbia and happy mother fucking MONDAY. I don’t know about any of you, but last week was actually the longest fucking week of my gd life which is annoying as hell considering it was four measly days… Before we get too involved in our busy work weeks this time around, I wanted to…
Fuck 2020.
“It is through the trials when our world is cracked or totally broken that true light can shine through.” Okay, this one is short and to the point this week but it’s something I feel like someone out there needs to hear. When I tell you, this year has literally been one tragedy after the…
Leave Them On Open. Yes, All Of Them: The Insights to Snapchat Dating Culture
Welcome to 2020. Where social interactions are limited to the eyes up, events are canceled, bars are closed, and dating is as virtual as it gets. With the rise of communication via Facetime, texting, and phone calls it’s only inevitable that the dating world is becoming even more virtual than it was before. With apps…
24 Thoughts On My 24th Birthday
Ahhhh. Ladies and GENTLEMEN. Today is a day. Today is not just any day but today is my ~birthday~ or as I would like to consider it: my own personal New Year’s Day. Despite being a Leo, I actually despise my birthday- this year, I am elated. Today marks day 1 of a new year,…
Curing Your Hangover (The Carlie Bradshaw Way)
It’s Sunday- maybe it’s 10 am if you’re sane, but maybe it’s 6 am if you have crippling anxiety like me- regardless: you’ve awoken. Your heart rate begins to pick up, you have a weird half sweat going on, and the sliver of light coming in from your bedroom window feels like a someone took…
Living Life As A Trapeze Artist: The Art Of Balancing Your Besties, Your Boo, & Your Life All At Once
Hear ye! Hear ye! Step right up to see our main event- juggle all of life’s necessities all while maintaining a forced smile! If you’re over the age of 22 and if you’ve ever had a family, friends or a job, you’ll know how hard it is to juggle your social life, your family life,…
I Came, I Saw, I Had Anxiety… So I Left
“Anxiety is literally having conspiracy theories about yourself” -Some viral tweet on Twitter lol. Ermagerd Heller!!!!! Miss me? Say yes. If you haven’t read my most recent Instagram Post then click over and read it because I have a HUGE thank you to all of my readers. I can’t express into words how much it…
Energy: Spend It Wisely
Conservation of energy. noun. 1. a principle stating that energy cannot be created or destroyed but can be altered from one form to another. In life we spend a lot of time, money, words, and energy on a lot of important shit. In turn, we equally spend a lot of those things on really unimportant shit…
The Quarantined Saga Pt. 2: Cinematic Excellence As Told By Carlie
I’m backkkkk. Hopefully, you all binge-watched all the TV series I suggested, if not, idfwy. Ru tired asf of you the boring ass movies you keep watching over and over again? Well, I am here with your perfect fix. For part 2 I thought I would stay with my screen theme here and give you…
The Quarantined Saga Pt. 1: TV Shows You Better Have Watched By Now
Alrighty well, I guess we can address the inevitable- we’re all trapped in our homes for god only knows how long and if you are anything like me, you’re going bat shit insane right now (lol that irony was not planned but I’m not deleting it now). Let it be known that I’m not complaining…
Your Guide to ~Health~ Food Heaven
Hello, thots and tots. It is I, here to bring you my first ~collab~ with one of my favorite people not only in real life but also on Instagram. A long while ago during a time in my life where I lived with 14 other psychopaths, a connection formed with a roommate of mine. Our…
Nobody Likes You When You’re 23
Looking back on the past year of my life, it’s been put into perspective how much has truly changed. Some of the people I absolutely adored a year ago have nearly turned into strangers today, my priorities of cramming for tests and deciding which of my friend’s clothes I was borrowing for the night have…
The Silver Linings Playbook For People Pleasers
Hello friends. Starting this week off a little bit different and giving you some content on this lovely Monday morning instead of a weeknight at midnight when I get a random spark of inspiration lol… I’ve had some things on my mind lately that I would like to project onto this Microsoft word document and…
The Last-Minute Gift Guide For Your Man: A Mess Of Random Shit You Can Throw Together By Friday
No offense to everyone’s smelly boyfriend, but girl(friend)s are historically the superior gift givers (and will continue to be for decades to come). To help the longevity of this title, I have created a V-Day gift guide for all my last-minute girls out there- because let’s be honest, most of you have had your Valentine’s…
The “Holy Shit Valentine’s Day Is This Week” Gift Guide: What To Get Yo Girl So She Doesn’t Dump You
The week of Valentine’s day can get kind of fucking stressful for the men of the world for a plethora of reasons. For some, you have less than a few days to create some sort of problem, argument, or fight to avoid having to celebrate the 14th of February with the person you’ve been hooking…
Will U B My Valentine?¿ Lol Jk.
Lmfao alright this one might piss some people off but someone has GOT to say it… I swear to God I’ve received more invitations to hangout next Friday than I’ve received on any other date on the damn 2020 calendar thus far. You’re probably thinking: wow pop off sis, you get those dates- No. These…
Don’t Realize Whatcha Got Until It’s Gone
Had a change of plans for this week’s post so apologies if this isn’t as lighthearted as you were expecting. Growing up with a father who was emotionally connected to sports in a way I’ll never understand, the passing of Kobe Bryant is not something my household took lightly. Regardless of any emotional ties to…
Shit To Do In The Winter To Stay Sane
The thing about the winter months (especially here in Michigan) is that the lack of sunlight and dropping temperatures that legitimately feel like needles individually being placed in each exposed pore of the body…is that it can kind of make you sad as fuck. Seasonal depression sucks ass and sometimes it can feel like it’s…
Rose Colored Glasses
Sometimes when I zone out I think about the daunting fact that I’m turning 24 years old this August. This is absolute bananas to me because #1: 24 just sounds like deeper forehead wrinkles, a mailbox full of wedding save the dates, and even more malicious hangovers; but #2: because it seems like I was…
New Year Who Dis?
Well Happy fucking New Year to the ~700 of you that still keep up with this website- God bless you for still keeping me relevant. As the first post of 2020 I find it only fitting to discuss what everyone won’t shut the fuck up about for the first month of the year- we’re talking…
The Stages of a Relationship: From Getting Down to Getting Serious (& Everything In Between)
I guess I have never really considered myself to have ever been the relationship girl. I also guess you could say that I value my sanity and the ability to sprawl out all limbs in bed very high on my list; I also think it takes a special kind of sociopath to convince me to…
Un-HINGEd: My Failed Experiment
Alright ladies and gentlemen, This is a good one. Three months ago, I decided I was going to conduct my own fucked up experiment through downloading the popular dating app: Hinge. With no real plans of where this weird experiment was going to lead me, I made a profile and purchased a three month ‘premium…
We’re All Assholes
Happy Monday Thotianas Today we’re discussing a topic that some of you may or may not know about me. As crazy as it sounds, my group of friends-and by group of friends I mean my BEST friends, are people I not only went to high school with, but majority are people that I met in…
The Worst Dates Hall Of Fame: Sex & The Suburbs Edition
Hello upper east siders. I’m backkkkkkkk. If we’re being completely honest, I avoided this blog, the instagram account that promotes it, and talking about Sex & The Suburbs at all costs because I honestly lost a big creative streak recently and everything I wrote sounded like absolute garbage. Like honestly, the way I thought about…
Why Dairy Is The Devil
Welcome to another week of Sex and The Suburbs. If you’ve stuck around long enough to make it into this piece of content, I’m genuinely impressed and my ego is slightly enlarging just by the mere thought of at least one person keeping up with this blog this long. If you haven’t been able to…
One Last Pansy Post
“Some people are gold, and some people are simply gold plated.” -Unknown As the week comes to an end, I have one last thing to say before we get back to being blonde and better than everyone, and things start to be a little more humorous around here again. Thinking back to where I was…
Break Up With Your Boyfriend – YOU’RE Bored
“You don’t wanna leave me, but I’m tryna self-discover. Keep me in your orbit and you know you’ll drag me under” – Ariana Grande ‘Are you happy?’ We’re asked this question quite a lot in our lifetime. What’s funny is that we tend to get asked this question during all the big transitions and all…
Don’t Get Mad Get Even (Better)
“All there is left to do is forgive and forget you. So I wanna forgive you, and I wanna forget you” –Lauren Conrad I was raised on the notion of: “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Aside from growing up to be a hell of a spitfire and an impulsively sarcastic asshole, this notion…
The Various Genres Of Friendship
If you haven’t figured it out yet, your friendships in your life are all pretty fuckin’ different. We might all be a little similar—we’re all a little psycho, we all make really stupid decisions, we’re all really good looking (LMAO). But regardless of what similarities we share, as a woman, you’ve gotta see that sometimes,…
The Five Types Of Girls When Getting Ready For A Night Out
In my 23 years of being a woman, I have had a total of 29 different roommates and a social circle with more personalities than I can count on two hands. I actually can’t get through this entire blog post without bursting out laughing because not only are these different types of girls all completely…
How To Be A Girl’s Girl 101
“Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.” -Sex and the City Welcome back from the weekend ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to another glorious week of Sex and the Suburbs. Apologies on the late entry, you know how it goes. Honestly, I thought today’s post would definitely be a…
Diaries Of A Frat-Rat: The Pros And Cons Of Dating A Frat Boy
Whatever social it was where you two fell in love, I could put money on the fact that whatever horribly sexist theme was chosen that night had the word ~hoes~ somewhere in the title. Regardless of the origin of this love story, here you are six months later, half psychotic but half grateful. You spent…
Why The Shoes In Your Closet Are A Lot Like The Men In Your Life
“Yeah look at you, boy, I invented you. Your Gucci tennis shoes-running from your ~issues~….” -Ariana Grande One of the worst parts about college for me was that I never had enough fucking closet space to store all my shoes. I guess I should be more thankful that I didn’t have, and continually do not…
So Like… Who Do You Know Here?
My name is Carlie, a lot of people call me Carl sometimes Carls but for the sake of gender confusion and avoiding offending someone in this god forsaken decade, let’s go with Carlie. I’m a 23 year old with the heart of a child, the joints of the elderly (totally irrelevant lmao) and the attitude…
Sex & The Suburbs 