Well Happy fucking New Year to the ~700 of you that still keep up with this website- God bless you for still keeping me relevant. As the first post of 2020 I find it only fitting to discuss what everyone won’t shut the fuck up about for the first month of the year- we’re talking resolutions.
Ah New Year’s Eve… the day we scroll down in our notes to find the list of resolutions we didn’t accomplish last year on our way to spend fifty fucking dollars to get our makeup done at MAC. God only knows NYE is the most rushed, over rated, and overpriced night of the year where we plan an outfit in our head for a month and a half just to throw on some rhinestone final sale dress from Windsor and head out to a shitty club we all KNOW we won’t have fun at but go to anyway. Do you ever think about how fucking twisted New Year’s Eve really is? Like we all go out, get absolutely shitfaced to forget the horrid tragedies of the year prior and then build up this grand expectation for ourselves to wake up the next day, hungover as fuck, resist the temptation of greasy breakfast because we “wAnT tO aCtUaLlY lOsE tEn PoUnDs ThIs yEaR” and make some stupid mile-long shit-list of resolutions that we’ll most definitely forget about mid blackout at Taco Bell a week from now. Also put your judgmental finger down, Jennifer because I’m not just talking about weight loss resolutions, your blackout self at Taco Bell will probably STILL be a bitch to all who encompass your presence, and you will probably still text your ex mid cry into your Crunch Wrap Supreme.
It’s a new year, but can it really be a new us?
This New Year’s is an interesting one because not only is it a new year, but now a new decade, so I hope you’re all feeling the pressure because your ten-year plan is due to me in my DM’s by the end of the month!! (Totally kidding please do NOT fucking DM me your marital and real estate goals for 2025) but anyway. New Year…. but new us?
There is something kind of sour when it comes to the New Year for me, the gym is packed, everyone is on edge because they’re trying Keto again and feel like shit, everyone’s boring because their either trying to save money or not drink- and then poof, February 1st hits and I’m getting a front row parking spot at Lifetime fitness, everyone’s eating like trash again, and bars are busy as fuck because no one can stay away from swiping their plastic for over-priced Vodka waters for THAT long.
So, I guess my statement is- why do we put so much pressure on ourselves just to fail? (Morbid but true, shut up.)
This January I would like to inspire all my fucked up little followers to do the following: instead of making ReSoLuTiOnS that you’re not going to fucking keep… let’s all take things month by month this year and start working on some little things that can make a big difference. Pick one thing. ONE. That would positively change your life, enhance your life, benefit your life or honestly just make your life suck less. Stick to it; literally until the 31st (and it’s already the 8th so do the math because that is less than a month- you’re welcome).
Maybe you’ll choose to stop texting your Ex at 3 am (seriously stop, his new girlfriend thinks you’re bat shit). Maybe you’ll choose to stop Postmating food that you are fully capable of driving to go get. Maybe you’ll try to cut back on eating out all together and feed your body food you have at home you walking garbage can. Maybe you’ll stop Facetuning all your pictures and embrace your true self. Maybe you’ll start drinking more water and have more excuses to get up at work because you have to pee every 5 minutes. Maybe you’ll even choose to be a better human being and stop being a douchebag to all you encounter.
Whatever you choose, don’t overdo it. The biggest mistake I always see people (especially girls- sorry homies) make is that they want all these things for themselves, but instead of focusing wholeheartedly on one aspect, they decide to be a bodybuilding, underwater basket weaving, dance team coach, French chef, Pilates instructor and get strung the fuck out. Please don’t do that. Kk? Take it one month at a time, one change at a time, and before you know it, by December you’ll suck 12 times less than you did a year prior!
So, what is my 2020 looking like you ask?
(Literally no one asked lol)
Well first of all, my goal this month is to keep up with this fucking blog considering I spend my hard-earned money to keep this domain name… But aside from that, I have quite a list of goals for myself for the remainder of the year but they all kind of tie into the same thing. My hope for myself, and for all of you too is that the next twelve months will be a year of living- not just going through the motions, not just waking up, dragging throughout the mundane day and wishing for the weekends. I hope to live my life with solid intentions, with overwhelming joy, and with the attitude that no one else in this life is going to say yes to things for me, so it’s either I try and fail, or I sit on the sidelines for another year like a little bitch and wonder what life would feel like if I wasn’t being such a pussy.
On that note, cheers to 2020 boys and girls.
Here’s to another year of being blonde, being better, sexier, and suburb-ier (?)
Yeah… Something like that.
Until next Wednesday,
Xoxo,
Carlie Bradshaw
Sex & The Suburbs 