Hear ye! Hear ye! Step right up to see our main event- juggle all of life’s necessities all while maintaining a forced smile!
If you’re over the age of 22 and if you’ve ever had a family, friends or a job, you’ll know how hard it is to juggle your social life, your family life, and your professional life all at the drop of a hat. We’ve all been there: sacrificing drinks with your bestie so you can attend grandma’s 80th birthday party, having to decline facetime calls from your parents so you can be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for that big meeting tomorrow morning, taking a half-day at work so you finally aren’t the last one to the Air BnB for girl’s weekend like you were the last four trips. Life is a catch 22 sometimes, and we give and take the best we can.
The more enriched your life is, the tougher it seems to get. For sake of imagery let’s actually picture all of these different facets as different balls to juggle in this big circus we call life. Your social ball, family ball, professional ball… It’s hard enough to focus on not dropping all three as it is. So, let’s talk about when you throw all those balls of priority up in the air just to add one more: a relationship ball.
*the crowd goes wild*
For whatever god, given reason, when people get in a relationship one of two things happen, either the relationship is great for them, they successfully integrate their relationship into their social, family or professional categories, or, they drop all priorities and become a weird fucking hermit who never talks to anyone again and then complains about how they lost all their friends and can’t figure out why.
I suppose that was a bit harsh but coming from someone who knows what it’s like to juggle everything all at once like that and who (in my opinion at least) successfully did so, there’s no excuse why you can’t have it all.
It might sound crazy but “having it all” is very possible. It’s a matter of shifting your energy and your focus to what it is you truly do value. They say to have a healthy, good, and strong relationship romantically, you first need to have a healthy, good, and strong relationship with yourself. I really think it’s true that you cannot be involved with anyone unless you fully understand, accept, and love yourself. I could write an entire blog post about how being in a relationship where you’re not fully comfortable in your own skin is like trying to water a garden with a watering can of gasoline- ready to blow the fuck up and also just plain fucking wrong. Being unhealthily obsessed with your relationship is not a personality trait- and being the girl who legit drops her whole life for a guy is not only super embarrassing but super fucking sad.
I’m sad to say that I’ve watched a lot of gals and guys in my life lose themselves to relationships and it usually goes a little bit like this: When you do not love yourself, you will continue to create “homes” out of people instead of finding “home” within yourself. Your soul craves this love it isn’t getting from within and will latch onto any person who can give it that security. Your insides will crave this sort of affection so much that ultimately, you will subconsciously begin to focus all of your attention on the one thing you think is keeping you whole: your significant other. Once all of your attention is fixated on your relationship, plans with friends begin to get canceled, your performance at work/school crashes, gym routines diminish, and the relationship that was supposed to add to your life ultimately becomes your life.
So how do you stop this identity crisis? How does one be engaged in healthy romantic relationships without losing everything they’ve built up to this point?
Well. It’s simple. It’s about giving a shit about things that are worth giving a shit about and it’s about keeping up with your own life.
It’s pushing and pulling your own priorities around, making time for everything that you value and/or brings you joy, and it’s saving some things for just yourself.
For example, if you’re a person who loves to drink coffee on Sunday mornings at Barnes and Noble don’t fucking stop doing that. If you’re a person who loves to go for runs through the park by your house and listen to your playlist of all your favorite Mayday Parade songs from junior year of high school, please do NOT STOP DOING THAT. Don’t stop reading books or watching your favorite YouTubers before you go to bed, don’t stop having girls’ night at Bar Louie on Thursdays or driving over to visit your grandma on Saturdays, don’t stop taking cycle classes or playing an instrument and don’t stop taking your dog for long walks after dinner. Whatever the fuck you do for you: don’t forget that regardless if you’re in a relationship or if you’re not: your life is still YOUR life.
Your relationships should add to that, not consume it.
If there’s anything I’ve noticed in my twenties, it’s that I think we get in these weird headspaces where we think we should be somewhere, ANYWHERE other than where we are right now, all because of some underlying pressure we feel to check things off of a list that someone else made for us. Everyone who is single in their mid-twenties feels like they need to be engaged in the next three years and although that is in the cards for some people that have been together for years now, I think we need to stop the generalization and societal pressure to demand women in their twenties to feel like they are running out of time.
The only pressure anyone in their twenties should feel right now is the pressure to make a life you’re proud of, and to make a life you love. We are all impressive little animals and performers in this crazy circus we call life. It sure is hard to juggle all this bullshit we all have going on, but all in all, it sure does make for a damn good show.
‘til next week.
xoxo,
Carlie Bradshaw
Sex & The Suburbs 