Conservation of energy. noun.
1. a principle stating that energy cannot be created or destroyed but can be altered from one form to another.
In life we spend a lot of time, money, words, and energy on a lot of important shit. In turn, we equally spend a lot of those things on really unimportant shit too. The energy we choose to invest in various endeavors, relationships, and emotions is something that once created, never really dies; it just turns into something different. Think about it, the disappointment you feel in picking the wrong job leads to the determination you feel in finding the right fit, the sadness you feel after a heartbreak turns into the appreciation you feel for the learning a hard lesson, the anger you feel towards an argument soon turns to the contentment you feel about coming to a common ground. Regardless of the energy we begin with, there is never really an ending. Just a constant continuation of pockets of energy found in the choices we make, the emotions we act on, and the words we express.
I’ve learned the hard way about the importance of energy and what we choose to spend it on. Getting upset, angry, or resentful towards the little stuff does nothing for us but creates more negative energy. We can’t control what others do; it is utterly impossible to live in a world with people who think, act, and speak exactly the same (it would also be boring asf lol). What we can do is choose how we react. I’ve let many people, many words, and many actions create so much anxiety in my life that has, in turn, stopped me from engaging in the positive energy I could be experiencing; instead, I’m left dwelling in a negative space, a space where I skip out on events, opportunities, and possibilities all because I’m being a sad sack of shit.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever given anyone was to my sorority ~little sis~. I boast this skeptically because literally when these words came out of my mouth, I was so shocked on what good advice it actually was I realized I seldom thought about life this way myself up until that point. At the time she was seeing a guy that was totally wrong for her, she really fuckin’ liked him but it just wasn’t working out and he left her life just as quickly as he came into it. He was a douche, flying around from mattress to mattress just as many frat boys do, and amongst other emotions after this falling out, she had one specific question: “Why?” Her question was quite insightful, and something I found myself asking the universe when the most random of flings has stepped into my life as well. I thought about her question for a moment or two… In life, I think we’re given a lot of lessons, some of which come in the form of people. We get stuck on the idea of soulmates, but what about the idea of something just being “meant to be” ???? I told her that in life I think people are handed to us to learn from. I believe our family to be people we will always continue to learn from and thus, they are in our lives for the most part until we or they die. Best friends are like that too, we continue to grow with them, learn from them, and figure out life’s questions together. Then there are the romantic relationships, the ones that last a few weeks, a few months, a few years; and you’re left wondering “wtf was that?” I believe that people stick around in your life long enough to teach you what they specifically are able to teach you, once the teaching runs out, so does their time with you.
So, what the fuck does this have to do with energy? Well… Everything. Lol. It’s in these situations where you can dwell until the cows come home on the negatives in losing people in life, or you can quit bitching and learn from it. In this case, you aren’t avoiding the hurt, that’s just as bad as being negative all the time, but you’re feeling through the negative situation, and eventually, seeing the positive in what that experience, opportunity, or person offered you before they went on their merry way.
Not every ending needs to be a bad thing.
Life is about choices; it’s about accepting that things aren’t 100% amazing all of the time and taking a second to embrace the not so great shit- not avoiding it. It’s about feeling through the experience of a shitty relationship to gain strength in knowing what you deserve. It’s about acknowledging the toxicity of people around you and applying that knowledge to how we treat others in the future. It is about creating lives for ourselves that aren’t fucking miserable, and it’s about ending the never-ending cycle of feeling bad for yourself. News flash: no one else does- it’s just the reality of it; people are truly not against you, and much of what they do has little, if nothing at all to do with you, people are just for themselves.
Creating our energy and shifting our mindsets to things that teach us something instead of tying us down to negative spaces is key to remaining happy, content, and less fuckin’ anxious. So, take some time this week to refocus your energy.
Are you living the life you want to live? Are you acting as the person you want to be? Imagine your most ideal self and start fucking showing up as her every day.
Don’t quit until you’re happy. Once you are, raise the bar even higher, and repeat.
TTY soon.
xoxo,
Carlie Bradshaw
Sex & The Suburbs 