“Some people are gold, and some people are simply gold plated.” -Unknown
As the week comes to an end, I have one last thing to say before we get back to being blonde and better than everyone, and things start to be a little more humorous around here again.
Thinking back to where I was a year ago, and even where I was a year before that, there has been nothing but extreme change that has hit my life like a semi. In the midst of all this change I’ve lost people, gained better ones, and I’ve also been able to self-reflect in a way that I haven’t done in a while.
I am a sarcastic asshole probably 87% of the time. That will never change, it’s who I am and who I’ve always been and the person I am does not come from a malicious place. The thing is, there was a time in my life this past year where I was a person I was not proud of, and I think it’s time I at least put it out into the universe that the person I was turning into, is someone I never want to be, and someone I hope the followers of this blog never turn into either.
It’s fun to be sarcastic, and ruthless, and “~savage~”, we all fuckin’ do it, if you read this blog I KNOWWW you’re a crazy bitch too. But there comes a point where being funny and being mean tend to overlap, and then it all isn’t so funny anymore. I had a conversation with someone I hadn’t seen in a really long time over my college’s homecoming weekend. He was telling me how he was glad to see me doing good again, told me my haircut looked nice, asked me about my new job; all the bullshit you tell/ask people when you haven’t seen them in a while. But then he said something to me that I probably deep down didn’t really want to hear, but something I’m glad I did hear.
He told me he was glad I was me again.
I looked at him really confused. I asked him what the hell he meant. I mean, yeah, I’ve gone through some trauma over the past year and a half but like…I’m still me? he explained to me how in the times where I thought I was hilarious, (which let’s be honest, I think this majority of the time I’m breathing) I was really turning into kind of an asshole.
For the first time in my life I will be the first to admit…
I was.
I was thrown a lot of hurt my way this past year; a lot of mistreatment. And honestly, the hurt I felt inside came out as honestly just being a bitch, and that really isn’t fucking cool. If there is anything I regret more, it’s being a mean girl back to the mean girls, and being a scumbag, back to the scumbags. We all go through it, we all get treated like shit sometimes, have shitty things happen, get absolutely shit on by mean girls, shitty guys, or all of the above, but honestly, there is nothing I ever got out of “being ruthless” to people who treated me bad other than an anxiety attack the next day.
I guess the point I’m trying to make yet again is, don’t lose yourself in the midst of tragedy, of mistreatment, or an unfair hand that life deals you. Don’t lose your spark, your magic, or your character at the expense of someone else’s decisions.
So to clear my conscious and to get it all off my chest, I am truly sorry to anyone I hurt when I was hurting.
You are solid gold baby, don’t reduce your value just because someone who is just simply gold plated hurt you.
Until next week, where things will be a little more fucking funny around here.
Stay blonde, stay better, and stay golden my ladies.
Xoxo,
Carlie Bradshaw
Sex & The Suburbs 