Alrighty well, I guess we can address the inevitable- we’re all trapped in our homes for god only knows how long and if you are anything like me, you’re going bat shit insane right now (lol that irony was not planned but I’m not deleting it now). Let it be known that I’m not complaining and all in all I am completely competent regarding the fact that quarantining is for everyone’s own good and well-being. It also doesn’t change the fact that I’m bored as fuck and miss the streets. With that being said- not that anyone’s opinion is wrong or anything but if you’re someone who was protesting at the capital last week like an uncultured swine pls leave my blog- we do not have time for you here. Ty!
Anywho…
After two full weeks of self-loathing, I figured I should probs accept this quarantine situation. Fighting this shit only seems to brew up a piping hot pot of crippling anxiety for me and I can only replay old arguments, break ups, cringe conversations, and horribly embarrassing drunk texts in my mind for so long before I implode. For a person who rides a fine line between introvert and extrovert- I’ve spent my quarantine on quite the fucking roller coaster and also have begun to realize that I might be a fuck ton more extroverted than I ever imagined. Aside from pen paling all of my friends in calligraphy handwritten font, attempting to learn to french braid my hair, cleaning out my entire closet, and playing Animal Crossing until my arthritis allows me otherwise, binge watching shows has now developed into a regular activity in my daily life. It’s become my own personal/weird game where I like to see how many episodes of a show I can plow through before I finally fall asleep at 3 am. Honestly I’m pretty sure this is just another way I can compartmentalize another piece of my life which is really why I enjoy it (fuckin’ control freak ass bitch-) but nonetheless, I guess we can start this quarantine blog series with a compilation of some of these television series for all YOUR boredom cures. Kk, let’s begin.
8 TV Shows worth binging like rn
Considering I live with my parents still and both those people are working from home right now, I’ve had to conform my bedroom to a sanity sanctuary for peace and quiet so I can somehow get work done and remain employed (I mean how the fuck else am I supposed to afford the 120 packages I get delivered a week?) (seriously though I’m starting to feel like a celebrity who gets PR packages it’s getting out of hand…) I digress… In my sanctuary, I attempt to drown out my loud ass father talking about the stock market or whatever it is he does for a living with the soothing voices of Kim, Kourtney, and Khloé – Bible. When I’m not being a basic twat and using the Kardashian’s as white noise, I’m watching some sort of series where actual english dialect is exchanged. Below I have outlined a few of the many I’ve indulged in thus far.
New Girl
Per the request of my hairstylist, who was seriously offended that I had never watched: I was sternly instructed to start watching this CBS series on Netflix. Thank you Cenza because I am now 8 seasons in, and I really don’t want to talk about it (but like I really do, pls start a convo w/ me about this show). If you’re looking for something mindless and light with a sense of humor this is the show for you. Super lighthearted and funny with plot lines that you can keep up with while you’re scrolling through the ‘gram or working on your laptop. I’m obsessed with Schmidt and even though Jess annoys the utter fuck out of me, her confidence and quirkiness bring something to the show and there would be no show (hence new GIRL) so I really can’t hate her that much. I also love that this show is dated, so some of the themes/topics give you that throwback nostalgia feeling which is perf considering I would rather be in ANY other time frame than Spring 2020. Tnx.
The Society
On the complete opposite of the spectrum- this show is NOT funny and NOT mindless. Don’t fucking do anything else but watch this show so you can understand it and NOT be a judgmental Judy just because you can’t comprehend. This show takes place in some small Desperate Housewives lookin’-ass town where a bunch of privileged high school seniors are supposed to go on this class trip. Long story short, the kids get re-dropped off at “home” and realize they woke up in some alternate universe where they’re their town is the only society for hundreds of miles, and they appear to be the only human life form around. I realize I actually just made that show sound so fucking horrible, so maybe just ignore everything I just wrote… But I promise it’s good just watch it- give it a chance, and stop being basic.
Schitt’s Creek
Okay, I swore I’d never watch this shit but somehow managed to watch all 5 seasons on Netflix (btw someone lmk where the fuck I’m supposed to find season 6…?) in under a month… It’s your classic “rich white people who lose all their money meets hillbilly country-living and learn a lesson about it” plotline but it’ll give ya all the silent nose blow giggle comedy you need during quarantine like rtfn. David is my spirit animal so you can’t pick him as your favorite character ’cause I already did; and I strive to be as quick and witty as he is. Also, I know I’ve been living under a rock and this show has been out for ages, so if you WaTcHeD tHiS yEaRs AgO- congratulations, you get no award for pioneering a Netflix series. A-B-C-D-E-F-Gbye.
Too Hot Too Handle
I’m going to regret adding this to the list because I already know so many people just skipped over this section of the post lol. Basically, it’s Love Island but hornier. All these hot people from like every country on earth are thrown in this mansion together but aren’t allowed to fuck and if they do, each slip up is docked and makes the end “cash prize” lower and lower amounts of money. It’s quality mind-numbing reality but I shamelessly finished the entire season in one sitting. Also, one of the girls on the show was in the same sorority as I was in college and puts all fellow ~sisters~ to shame; but it’s okay because she’s the worst cast member and everyone knows it so please disregard her as a character in general, thank you.
Love Island UK/US
Oh, please you knew this one was coming. Whether you binge the OG Love Island UK on Hulu or watch season 1 of Love Island US on CBS.com (which should fcking be on regular Hulu btw…?), you’re bound to be hooked after episode 1. Shameless bff promo considering my gal pal Elizabeth won the first season of the US version- lol side note sorry if you’ve been living under a rock for the past year and I just ruined the ending for you. The UK vers can get a lil raunchy but in the best way possible but if you’re feeling more of the cutesy vibe- Love Island US is the way to go for you. Regardless of your preference, either series will have you saying- ErMaGeRd “I GoT a TeXt” every time your phone vibrates from here on out.
Little Fires Everywhere
I’m actually simultaneously reading the book this show is based on which is super subpar, but the show reaches all expectations I might have had after reading this and then exceeds that expectation again. This shit’s only on Hulu so if you don’t have that then snooze for you but if you do, every Wednesday there’s a new episode which makes for one extra thing to add to my blank ass planner right now. This show has a lot of different themes: race, social class, mystery, and it has Reese Witherspoon AND AnnaSophia Robb, so everyone back the fuck up while I fangirl in my bed over my two favorite actresses with a pint of Talenti Raspberry sorbet ayeee.
The Handmaid’s Tale
This shit is dark, and not for the mindless, scrolly, “lemme put something on to fall asleep to” peeps out there. You have to pay attention, but it isn’t hard to because this show is interesting as fuck. Basically, this show is based in a totalitarian society where the birth rate is super low and somebody got pissed about it so they took away all women’s rights and forced al women to become ‘Handmaid’s’ where they are forced to have sex with their “Commander” and carry his child since he can’t reproduce with his wife which is super fucked up and will make you totally pissed off while watching. Before I get all weird, feminist-y and technical I’m gonna cliffhang it at that and just say you should watch this if you wanna get uncomfy and hooked to yet another Hulu TV series.
The Circle
Again, here we go with the stupid reality, but trust me on this one. If you watched Love is Blind all the way through, then your mind is for sure mushy enough to be prepared for The Circle. This show takes place in an apartment building where all the contestants are living in separate quarters and do not fucking see each other. These people can only communicate through “The Circle” which is basically the robot servant love child of Alexa, Siri, and Google Home if they all had a threesome. In this show, the cast either comes as themselves or a “Catfish” and they all communicate via super-fast talk to text technology on the screens located in their 500 square ft. apartments. They get to vote people off who they don’t think are “genuine” and have a bunch of stupid challenges that they play and send in their “group chat.” Essentially, it’s isolation and communication as we know it right now so you can def relate.
And that’s all I got peeps. I’m leaving this at 8 because:
1. I’m running out of worthy suggestions,
2. My ADD is already pulling me in another creative direction to start a different blog post,
&
3. Because I will not get so desperate as to put fucking Tiger King on any running suggestion list of mine. Not gonna happen.
After you’ve binged all these shows in the next week, make sure to click the other articles on my blog for even more entertainment before I release the next part of my ‘Quarantine Blog Post Saga’. (Shameless self promo)
Until then, stay safe (pls), stay blonde, and stay better than everyone.
xoxo,
Carlie Bradshaw
Sex & The Suburbs 