Fuck 2020.

“It is through the trials when our world is cracked or totally broken that true light can shine through.”

Okay, this one is short and to the point this week but it’s something I feel like someone out there needs to hear.

When I tell you, this year has literally been one tragedy after the next for me and my family, it’s to the point where sometimes I whisper “what the fuck” to myself before I go to sleep at night. Like actually- when it rains it fuckin’ POURS baby. Between my house getting broken into, illnesses fallen onto multiple family members, death, accidents, my poor dog getting attacked, and constant bad news, I’m fucking exhausted and so is everyone else I share a home with.

It’s funny though (if you use comedy as a coping mechanism) because I can vividly remember ending out 2019 bitching about how shitty THAT year was, and how excited I was to have a fresh start in 2020. This was supposed to be the “NeW DeCaDe”- everyone’s “me” year, and a “rebirth” if you will.

I guess this is a great example that expectation truly leads to ultimate disappointment. We all expected this year to be some “end all be all” of checking off bucket list items, reaching goals, getting better, getting happier, whatever.

We all hit the ground running in January, never stopping to appreciate what we had, just chasing after everything we didn’t. Come to find out, we would all be quarantined to our houses, many losing their jobs, falling into depressions, affected by illnesses, and ultimately living in fear with the mentality of “what the FUCK is next”.

In comparison to the whole year thus far, this summer has brought on more bad news and tragedy to my family than I have ever experienced before. I’ve cried more in the past three months than ever and basically have woken up every morning bracing for impact. The crazy thing is though- as terrible as the circumstances have been lately, I’m learning that where there is darkness, there is always a little bit of light; you just have to look for it.

I had dinner this week with one of my best friends and she made one of the greatest points she’s ever made (and she makes a lot of good points) …

Why are we waiting until next year to make the best of our lives? 

I nearly spit out my salad. I don’t even think she realized how many wheels started turning in my head after she said this. It’s true. Life is moving whether we want to or not, and as terrible as the circumstances are at the moment, sitting, and sulking and making the worst of our time is the LAST thing we should be doing.

On my way home from dinner, I started to REALLY think back on this summer and how I had only focused on all the big, bad, scary things that have been happening in my life because that’s the simple thing to do. It’s what’s on my mind all the time, it’s what’s consuming my thoughts and emotions, it’s easy. I started to think a little harder on all the past three months has brought me despite all the tragedy.

The truth is- I’ve spent the summer with my best friends. I might have cried a lot lately, but I’ve also laughed more than I have in a really long time. This is the most in shape I’ve ever been. This is the closest I’ve gotten with my family and friends. This is the most motivated I’ve been. This is the most organized I’ve been. This is the most I’ve dated around. This is the best I’ve handled my anxiety and mental health. I’ve been able to visit friends out of town and out of state. I’ve celebrated holidays, bridal showers, and birthdays. I’ve taken time off for the first time since I started my job last fall. My best friends threw me a surprise party for my 24th birthday. I’ve been on staycations with the people who mean most to me. I went fucking SKYDIVING for Christ’s sake.

Regardless of everything that’s happened recently, I can honestly say that I have been making the best of it this whole time, I just wasn’t looking at it that way. So, if you’re someone who has been waking up every day lately thinking “what the FUCK ELSE can go wrong?!”, start waking up and thinking “what can go right?” 

I think sometimes we see all these really big moments (bad and good) that we endure and call it “life”.

If there’s anything I’ve realized after experiencing a summer of “big moments”. Life is really about the small stuff. It’s how we treat each other, it’s taking time to laugh, to be intentional, and to be present.

There is a Japanese art form called “Kintsugi” also known as “Kintsukuroi.” If you haven’t heard of it, it is the art of putting broken pottery pieces together again with gold.

This art is built on the idea of embracing flaws and the brokenness that life sometimes gives us- adding the gold to all the cracks creates an even stronger, and even more beautiful piece of art. Instead of covering the broken pieces or throwing the broken pieces away, this art form showcases them as a part of the overall design.  

Sometimes in the repairing phase of life, we can create something stronger, and even more impressive than before.

Not only do I wish for you all to keep your heads up, but look around, make the most of what and who you have, and make your life what you want it to be right NOW, don’t wait for a new year, a new job, a new relationship, or a new season to do so.

Without the rain, there would be no flowers.

Until next week, have an amazing and safe Labor Day weekend.

xo,

Carlie Bradshaw