Welcome to 2020. Where social interactions are limited to the eyes up, events are canceled, bars are closed, and dating is as virtual as it gets. With the rise of communication via Facetime, texting, and phone calls it’s only inevitable that the dating world is becoming even more virtual than it was before. With apps like Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble, it’s easier than ever to spark a fling with a potential mate through your phone. As I’ve previously stated on my blog (Un-HINGEd: My Failed Experiment), I tried the whole Hinge thing as a social experiment back in the fall/winter months and wanted to vomit over the lack of social cues most men- actually- most *boys my age fail to carry. Recently it’s been brought to my attention one of the worst realizations I’ve come to and that is the fact that there are literally SO many guys in my age group that use Snapchat as a form of legitimate communication.
For those of you who forgot, Snapchat was created back in 2011 and for those playing at home, for reference- I am 24 and Snapchat came out when I was a FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL. This app was used to send 10-second grainy photos of oneself to friends, maybe use a little coloring action to make it spicy, and basically just communication that a 9th grader would find funny… As years went on, Snapchat became more of a social media platform with the addition of Snapchat “stories” or as the kids on the West side of town called “my stories” (that is incorrect btw I don’t care what you think). Snapchat also became the taboo spot for sending risqué/nude photos since they went away after 10 seconds and also became a spot for sending risqué or secret messages since those also disappeared after 10 seconds. The point of this lame-ass Snapchat history lesson is that Snapchat was founded on the precedent of kind of being sneaky as fuck. Now, in the past few years Snapchat has become a way for guys to reach out to girls to…. Wait for it… DATE?????? Fuck????? I DON’T even know anymore…
Recently I’ve re-downloaded Hinge lol. Tbh I think it’s funny and it keeps me entertained- but recently I’ve come into contact with guys who instead of asking for my number ask me for my “Snap” (my username). Receiving these messages would make my eyebrows do that little furrow thing and half my lip curl up in disgust because the thought of using a separate application to message someone instead of just getting someone’s number not only screams: “You are not a woman, you are just an object and I eventually would like you to send me nudes” but also, “I’m 17 years old and don’t know how to hold a conversation.”
I started to question whether or not I was the only person on the planet who was NOT accepting this form of communication with someone I hadn’t even met yet. I don’t know about all of you, but my Snapchat is personal. Sure, I have a private story where I post my really fucked up shit to, but the stuff I put on my story is not for the world to see, and ESPECIALLY not someone I just met. Like actually though, take a seat, Brad, from Hinge if you honestly think you’re worthy enough to see insight on what my Friday night’s look like. On top of this, I don’t get notifications for any of my social media so the fact that people can be that glued to their Snapchat to keep up a conversation so quickly is mind-boggling and borderline impressive to me.
I took to the streets (virtually of course) to get a little more insight on this whole Snapchat thing and whether my thoughts would be validated by other gals my age. The response was overwhelming.
One girl explained how she had this guy friend who she’d been in love with FOREVER. They literally talked in EVERY form except for texting (?). He would send her a “Snap”, she would respond, and then they would have full-on conversations that would… wait for it… last for DAYS ON END?? ALL. OVER. SNAPCHAT??? On top of this, this man would reply to her Instagram story and they would have a completely different conversation on that application that would last for days as well. This girl/guy duo would literally have different full-blown conversations on different applications all. At. The. Same. Time… This is absolutely mind-blowing to me that this man went to such great lengths to talk to this girl but was THAT afraid to speak over text…
Another girl had… ready… Wait for it… A. SEVEN. HUNDRED. DAY. SNAP. STREAK. With a guy, she knew from high school (they both ended up going to different colleges). When they both moved home after graduating last summer, they started hooking up and would still ONLY talk over Snapchat. Some of these conversations even leading to themes surrounding “what are we”. She would try texting him, but they would ALWAYS end up back on Snapchat. He ended their streak back in October after it reached about 870 days. What the actual FUCK.
The thing about Snapchat is that it can also be kind of creepy. Many girls let me know of the “accidental” videos that were sent to them by guys jacking off and to that point, I would like to give a HARD pass (no pun intended) to anyone that thinks that ANY girl wants to see any of that. One girl I talked to went on a few decent dates with a guy (nothing special) and slowly stopped talking but everyyyy once in a while he would message her on Snapchat. All their previous conversations were via text but after their slow falling out he would only reach out over Snap. One time he sent her a Snap of him in the shower of just his face and said “don’t open the next video if you don’t want to see further down” … (brb while I puke in my mouth). So, she didn’t open it. He sent multiple Snap “messages” to follow up which she also didn’t open and THEN he started texting her from another phone number that she didn’t even have saved for him (?) asking her when she was going to open his Snapchat… She finally opened it weeks later and IMMEDIATELY after she did, he messaged her again asking what she thought about it… (puking again). She ended up blocking him but the best part about all of this: he had a GIRLFRIEND THE ENTIRE TIME. I have no words.
So, if you’re anything like me, you have similar questions about all of this starting with the obvious question: Why?
Why do guys do this kind of shit, and what does it all really mean? Is there really a difference in Snap messaging vs. texting? Do guys value one over the other? Well, lucky for you my friends, my inner circle consists of mainly guys, so I gained some insight for the Suburbs to help make a little sense of the Snapchat game.
They Want to Know What You REALLY Look Like
So, the first really good point that was brought up in our little discussion was based on Snapchat’s main feature which is exchanging pictures.
“You want to see pictures of their face to see what they look like in real life. Yeah, she looks good in the pictures on her Instagram and dating profiles but maybe these (On Snapchat) are more real and raw.”
This makes sense considering half the world population uses filters, Facetune, and effects on photos to enhance appearance. Snapchat has the worst quality of all time, so I guess if you look good on there, you’ll look good anywhere.
“I think is a way for the guy to verify that she is in fact a real person, especially if you met them online. But in person, number first then social media shit second. If she is in fact a smoke show anyway, a guy should be asking for the number right away. Go at her with some confidence and secure the bag.”
Take notes boys! If you’re first meeting on socials, Snap is a better way to grasp what someone really looks like, but if you met in person, get the number, don’t be a pussy.
New Phone Contacts=New Problems
Another big theme was that adding a contact to your phone is actually a bigger deal than it seems.
“I Hate putting new people in my phonebook/contact list. Adding someone to my contact list is a big deal to me.”
“Snapchat is an immature way of communication. I personally believe guys do this simply because asking for a number and texting somewhat solidifies that you are in fact interested in her. Social media in general is more informal than actually asking for a phone number.”
“With texting, you never know where your messages can end up even after you personally delete them off your phone. Whether she screenshots them, etc. Not to mention the boys/family hassling you when they see you texting someone consistently.”
“Texting feels like a chore/ if I want to text you heavy it means I really like you.”
Adding a girl’s number might be “moving too quickly” in this day in age if the guy isn’t 100% sure about the whole situation yet. It might not be a COMPLETE red flag if things start on Snapchat if you’re just easing into something. Just keep your guard up ladies and realize that if someone REALLY digs you they are for sure going to be texting you.
It’s an Easy Cop Out
This is a given but getting a girl’s number kind of opens a door for communication… and sometimes, that communication isn’t wanted anymore.
“There’s plenty of situations where I met a girl and we’ve hooked up or something and afterward we only stayed connected on socials and they don’t even have my number. I prefer it this way in these scenarios so I don’t get stuck in a position of a girl constantly texting me and I’m not interested cause if I was interested in that way (and) I saw a potential future with this person I’d make sure to have her number.”
“Snapchat eliminates liability. If someone turns out weird or shit just doesn’t work out, Snapchat overtime can completely delete any history of conversation.”
I’ve always said that if someone likes you, you’ll never have to question it. Men are instinctive creatures and go after what they want.
If you’re questioning if someone wants you, then they don’t.
So, basically, ladies, if he’s interested in you for reals- he’s definitely getting the digits if not, have fun in the dm’s, and enjoy a casual hook up.
Also, if you’re a sneaky fuck and trying to go behind your girlfriend’s back Snapchat is a way for guys to slide in and slide out without anyone really knowing so do your research on your new candidates and ask the right questions; you never want to be the other woman, lol…
Snapchat=Easy to Get
A main take away in our conversation is how they explained that when they get a girl’s number and they can actually text them and carry out a conversation, it means they take them “way more seriously” than a girl they only talk to on Snapchat or other social platforms.
“If I’m interested in a girl and I want to coordinate taking her out on a dope date night it would be really odd and feel weird to me to do that over Snapchat or (through) DM’s. I’d much rather slide in the (text) messages and I’d feel much better about it. Snapchat (means) you’re probably looking for a hookup; if you contact someone via (text) message, you’re probably interested in a little more than a hookup”
“Anyone that puts effort towards a Snapchat streak is “too young for you bro”.
“From a guy’s perspective when a girl (suggests conversing over Snapchat), I don’t even bother. My sense right away is that she’s a clout chasing hoe, tryna boost her Snapchat score. If you’re truly interested in someone, you should be texting them.”
So, there you have it gals. Hopefully the insights I’ve provided you can steer you in the right direction when pursuing a new mate and hopefully putting your time and energy into the people who have the same intentions as you do!
Regardless if you’re a Snapchat connoisseur or you’re slinging in person Hinge dates on the regular, stay safe, stay aware, and stay blonde, and better than everyone.
Until next week,
xoxo,
Carlie Bradshaw
Sex & The Suburbs 